etherfarm

Punctuation Everywhere

Later

10:58 on Tuesday, November 16, 2004 • 2 responses

Earlier

Other than a small, brown spot which floats around my field of vision, this map of my eyeball is the only evidence I have that there’s a hole in my retina. The map was hastily scrawled on the back of a business card for the retinal surgeon to whom I’ve been referred.

Let’s pretend for a moment that I didn’t have a hole in my eyeball. I’d like to focus (pun intended) instead on the process which is only beginning to unfold before me. In order to get this hole welded shut by some overtrained monkey with a laser pointer, I have to see my new HMO’s “primary care physician,” who knows nothing about lasers or monkeys, but who will presumably authorize any treatment I pursue. He will then refer me to a general care practitioner who is on this HMO’s list of “network healthcare providers” (and I’m guessing none of those will know anything about lasers, monkeys, or eyeballs either). I’ll apparently have to beg and plead with this person to fill out an adult version of a permission slip to go see someone who knows things about lasers and eyeballs (but maybe not monkeys), who will likely be, as I’m told, out of network. I can only assume that in this case, the “out of network” designation has more dire consequences than losing, say, my 802.11b connection because someone next door uses their microwave.

Out of network means that there’s a good chance that my insurance company won’t pay for any of the surgery. Not having the surgery could potentially mean losing sight in that particular eye, which would be bad, if only because I tend to use my eye quite a bit when I’m not slacking off.

Anyway, episodes such as this make me hope that high school students across this country are required to learn about healthcare. I’m a near-Ph.D., but I’m totally baffled by the maze of insurance policies and procedures. I think back in my day, such topics were covered in a class called “Home Economics,” but I think that that course title should be reconsidered—to something like “Bending Over for Corporations.”