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Nice…velcro?

Later

11:08 on Wednesday, November 12, 2003 • 4 responses

Earlier

I hate hair management. Human 2.0 needs a better hair management system. In the very least, the next upgrade of our species needs a better hair overgrowth notification system.

Many males fear baldness. I’m probably one of the few who hope a shiny head is in the works (sadly, I doubt it’s in the genetic cards). In fact, the period of my life during which I spent the most time taking care of my hair was the year or two that I got rid of it entirely—every morning with a razor. I gave up on shaving my head because it took too much time.

I subscribe to the following hair management mission statement “if it’s long enough to comb, it’s long enough to cut.” Unfortunately, because I prefer my hair so short, I never comb my hair. So most of the time I don’t know if it’s long enough to comb and therefore remain completely ignorant as to whether it’s long enough to cut.

Last I checked, I don’t have any “long enough to comb” indicator lights. I generally rely on friends and strangers alike to tell me my hair is getting out of control. I thank the phenomenon of “hat head” to tell me that my noggin’ needs a good mow. I depend on friends like Jon, who once, after not having seen me for several months, greeted me, “Dude—your sideburns are reaching critical mass.”

I’ve reached a new high in hair overgrowth warning signs, though. This morning I woke up and in my peripheral vision, saw my own sideburns.

I see this as a good, albeit temporary thing. My current life lacks glamour, and what better way to go down in history than to grow your own potential brushfires on the sides of your face? What better company to keep than with esteemed luminaries such as Martin Van Buren, Isaac Asimov, and Wolverine?

It was only 20 days ago that I broke out the shears. Winter must be coming.

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