if it ain’t broke, break it
Dear Maker:
After extensive testing of Person 1.0, I’d like to offer you the following suggestion for Person 2.0: Make it not suck.
I fully admit I may not be following the operating instructions as precisely as I should. This possibility, however, is only an issue because someone at your manufacturing facility forgot to include the goddamn manual.
Sincerely,
-Made
p.s. I think you have some serious quality control problems.
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8 responses
big dipper
Comment posted at 07:42 on Wednesday, March 12, 2003
This is a beautiful and sad entry. At first I thought that the item refered to is of course, you, but on second reading it occurs to me that you could mean everyone else. Or both.
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Comment posted at 11:10 on Wednesday, March 12, 2003
You’re right—a bit of both.
I’m a little on-edge these days.
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hotdamn
Comment posted at 14:35 on Wednesday, March 12, 2003
yeah!
and what the hell good is a warranty that doesn’t cover normal wear-and-tear or abuse ?!?!?
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poog
Comment posted at 14:53 on Wednesday, March 12, 2003
And no return policy. Hmph. I bet they’ll make us pay for upgrades, too.
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Comment posted at 16:55 on Friday, March 14, 2003
No help menu. Kludges and work-arounds. In operations research they talk of global and local optimization. Some guy got a Nobel prize for a theory of satisficing, as a strategy. Not optimal, but reasonably reliable, and competitive in the market. A Nobel, for a theory of muddling along. Life of Brian, Look on the Bright Side…
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Comment posted at 09:43 on Saturday, March 15, 2003
Well, the manual I had was practically useless, was full of contradictions, and seemed to have been translated many different times through many different languages, so I threw it mostly away. There have been many other manuals, of course, but on http://www.humanoid-creation-project.com, in the Forums section, they seem to always be arguing about who wrote the manual, which manual is right, “no, there really aren’t any contradictions”, etc. etc. (sigh) Plus, their rival http://www.humanoid-evolution-project.com is always trying to hack them (survival of the fittest, right?) Quality control, indeed! OH, and the number on the back of the manual has been disconnected for years. Sheesh. 
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Comment posted at 13:34 on Saturday, March 15, 2003
Encrypted manual? Genetic code?
Makes us fight a war with Iraq, so we can enjoy peace?
An acquaintance in Seattle had two sayings. “And then you die.” “It’s better than working for Sears.” He worked for Sears, hasen’t died yet, so I say he is between things and he says he is an attorney.
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the other mom
Comment posted at 16:38 on Sunday, March 16, 2003
Succinct and well put!
I think updates have been offered but we’ve refused to install them!
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